1. i’m starting a list

    …of the rules of my office, when i’m in charge some day.

    1. Don’t be an asshole

    2. Seriously, don’t be an asshole. I will have no hesitations about shitcanning an employee who makes other people’s days tougher, even if you’re talented. I can find other talented people who aren’t assholes. I promise.

    3. If you haven’t at least tried to Google your question before you come to me or another colleague, I reserve the right to laugh in your face and not answer you, and I delegate that right to anyone else that you ask a Google-able question.

    4. Leggings are not pants. Mini-skirts are not office-skirts. Men, don’t wear white socks with your dress shoes. This is a general “don’t embarrass yourself or our office with your attire” rule. You don’t have to be a style fiend, but please remember that people do in fact judge a book by its cover whether you like it or not. Keep it simple, keep it clean, and above all, keep your ass covered in something other than spandex.

    5. Assistants are not less important than “senior” staff. In fact, they can be more important. Don’t treat any member of the office like they are lesser than you, or like their time is not as important as yours. If you do, don’t be surprised when that backfires.

    6. Think. Don’t just go along with the standard because it’s the standard. That can cost money, time, sanity, and success. If you see a way to make something better, I want to know about it. If there’s a process that is a total timesuck, can we alter or better yet, just get rid of it?

    7. If you’re good at something, I want you to be able to do it. Let me know what you’re good at, or what you want to become better at because you like it. If you don’t like to do things..well, you may still have to do them, but if there’s someone else who likes to do what you don’t, we can reorganize.

    8. Don’t. Be. An. Asshole.

    9. Do you REALLY need a meeting to address this topic? Can you make a phone call, stop by and chat with someone, or just move forward with the project?

    10. Recognize people for their hard work. Not with applause. But with positive, constructive feedback, opportunities to do what they love and lose what they hate, and a RAISE. Not just a promotion, but a raise.

    To be continued. Submissions welcome.

Notes